My Top Book Recommendations on People-Pleasing
I am a recovering people-pleaser. I believe you need to have courage to choose what YOU want in order to live your life. Unfortunately, we live in a world where we are indoctrinated messages that we internalize. We start to feel responsible for how other people feel to the point where we don’t do what we want or say what we think in case it upsets someone. Here are some of the books that helped me on my road to recover. I also do coaching. If you are interested in a free 20 minute introductory session send me an email.
A couple of things to note.
I will be adding to this list as I discover more books. I think these are an excellent place to start!
I use Amazon affiliate links AND I recommend you purchase from your local book store if possible. Amazon links are great for a couple of reasons in my opinion. First, you can read reviews of the books, find out more about the author and even look inside the book. Second, if you use a Kindle, it makes it easier for you to download the book. I also receive a very small compensation from Amazon and there is no extra cost for you.
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
This book has a long subtitle! “The Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to change your life and achieve real happiness.” It has sold over 3 million copies worldwide. Not too shabby.
From the back cover, “Rich in Wisdom, The Courage to Be Disliked will guide you through the concepts of forgiveness, self-care, and mind decluttering. It is a deeply liberating way of thinking, allowing you to develop the courage to change and ignore the limitations that you might be placing on yourself.”
I believe it takes courage to change. I use the hashtag #disappointmorepeople You need to develop this muscle if you want to live your life without bitterness and regret.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson
Even the title of this book can be a barrier for people pleasers! What? Not give a f*ck? Is that possible?
This book has sold over one million copies. Are you seeing a theme here? We are all looking for relief from expectations of others.
From the back cover, “Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them — this, he says, is the real source of empowerment. Once we embrace our fears, faults and uncertainties—once we stop running from and avoiding, and start confronting painful truths—we can begin to find the courage and confidence we desperately seek.”
Not Nice by Dr. Aziz Gazipura
This book also has a long subtitle: Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty…And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself. Whew! At almost 500 pages and under $20 CAD this book delivers a lot of value for your investment.
If you, like many of us, have been conditioned to be nice, this book will have you reconsider how you are holding yourself back from being authentic and expressing the real you. Learn to ask for what you want, say ‘no’ to others and speak up more freely in your relationships.