DIY can only get you so far.

I love carving wooden spoons. I was first introduced to it during my two-year wilderness survival training program. It was satisfying to start with a blank piece of wood and end up with a spoon. You can see the level of craftmanship in my first spoon where the bowl was burned out with a hot ember. I did refine it after that picture but I am a long way from opening an Etsy shop.

That same year I asked for a carving set for my birthday. Lee Valley and I became good friends. I got books out of the library on carving. I watched YouTube videos. Do you want to know how many spoons I’ve carved four years later? Two.

What happened? Good question! I think it is a classic example of how difficult it can be to make time for things we want to do even when we have good intentions.

I have been interested in how people change for most of my adult life. I spent my career in adult education, most of it in corporate training. I was certified to deliver many of the highly recognized leadership development programs that promised all types of transformation both personal and corporate.

I can remember the thrill of seeing people understand something for the first time only to return to the job and immediately slide into the same behaviours they had vowed to put behind them. The ‘aha’ moment that I had witnessed became another disappointment for them when they realized that back at the desk they didn’t have the support to make the changes.

It happens to all of us. We all know the rate of failure of New Year’s Resolutions. And in case you don’t have the numbers handy one study looking at resolutions found that 12% of people felt they were successful in achieving their goals.

In my research on how we can make and sustain positive change in our lives, I came across the Theory of Self Directed Learning or Intentional Change Theory by Richard E. Boyatzis. I have leaned heavily on his work in my training and coaching. I am not going to review his entire theory on how what needs to happen for us to change. There are plenty of academic articles available if you want to search for them. I do want to highlight one aspect.

According to Boyatzis, to change we need the support of trusting relationships that help, support, and encourage each step of the process. His research shows that those who work on their goals in relationships improve the most and the more settings in which you are working on something, the higher your chance of success.

It makes sense to me. One of my friends who started carving at the same time as me has gone on to develop her skills to a level that makes me both inspired and frankly, jealous. One of the differences between us is that she is part of a Spoon Carving Guild. They meet once a month to carve together. They sharpen their skills and their knives together.

I tend to be a DIY person. I like to figure things out on my own. I see something and I think I could do that. And usually, I could do it but I never get around to it because it would be up to me to provide all the materials, motivation and momentum to get it done.

Last week I signed up for a daylong spoon carving workshop. It’s a start. I know committing a day will give me the encouragement and inspiration I need. I may even discover some people who want to meet more regularly to carve.

I’ve been thinking about my course, A Year to Live, through the lens of Boyatzis’ Intentional Change Cycle. It is possible to do this work on your own but statistics and anecdotal evidence tell a different story. Most of us are not prepared to die.

Wills are the low-hanging fruit of things that most of us want to sort out before our final days. There is so much more beyond a will to consider. Doing this work with the support of a small group of a supportive community will help you make significant progress on your plans.

So why do we resist doing the spiritual* and practical work to face our mortality and get things in order? 

Maybe you’ve been looking at my workshop and thinking you can do it yourself. You can. The bigger question is “Will you do it on your own?”  Committing a few hours a month over the next year will give you the camaraderie and support you need to do this work with a group of people who are also making time to take care of these significant details so that they can relax and enjoy life more fully now.

A Year to Live begins May 17th. There are still spots available. If you have any questions, feel free to email me directly.

*When I speak about the spiritual work I am referring to things like Life Review and Life Repair, forgiveness, facing mortality, legacy and more.