Judging Happiness
Someone told me the other day that I don’t seem happy. OUCH! I usually ask people to tell me what led them to make an observation and in this case the person couldn’t really isolate anything specific. She told me that I had been quiet in a meeting that week.
I had been quiet in a meeting that week. And I wasn’t happy about something specific that had happened. I’m not sure that I would make the leap to say I am unhappy. There is a lot of buzz around the topic of happiness these days. From the conversation I just mentioned I took away a realization that it is very difficult to judge someone else’s level of happiness.
I don’t know about you but my happiness meter bounces around hourly. Am I happy? It depends when you ask me.
Yearly Review
It is that time of year when I like to sit down and reflect on the past 12 months and think ahead of the next 12 months. I’ve been inspired by The Art of Non-Conformity.
Last year my theme was Letting Go and it was a year where a lot of things ended. In addition I set out to get rid of one thing a day. I think I was fairly successful at getting rid of stuff and I want to continue clearing out the things I don’t need in an effort to live more simply. I wonder if I posted everything I bought in a blog if that would be a good deterrent to shopping? I still have a way to go in the spending department!
My theme this year is: All About Me. I want to spend some time making decisions about my life and what I want to do with my days. I have been thinking about this and will map it out a little more in the next week.
Are you doing a yearly review?
How are you planning for 2012?
It’s ALL ABOUT ME!
Every year I choose a theme that helps me focus on the important things I am learning. I am just wrapping up a year of Letting Go and it was a well-chosen theme for 2011. My son moved out, my daughter got married, and I went back to the corporate world just to name a few things. Along the way, I did a lot of reflecting and reading on the topic of Letting Go. I used a great book by Melody Beattie called The Language of Letting Go that helped me focus on the things I needed to work on.
Near the end of the year I started to desire to figure out what I wanted in my life now that I have let go of so much! As I thought about it the theme ‘All About Me’ emerged. I’ve decided to really focus on what I want in my life. What do I believe at this stage? Where am I spiritually? What about career goals? I’ll graduate this year and that will free up some time to pursue other interests. What do I want to pursue?
I am looking forward to 2012 and my new theme!
Looking for gift ideas?
A great gift we can give to others is to be able to trust in them—that they have their own source of guidance and wisdom, that they have the ability to discern what is best for them and the right to find that path by making mistakes and learning.
from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
Bittersweet
My son just spent his last night at home. He has officially moved out although judging by the stuff left around the house he plans to return a few more times to pick up some things. I have known this was coming for some time and I am really happy for him. I’m proud of the man he has become and the choices he is making. I was completely caught off guard with my emotional response when I said good bye today. I just broke into tears and even after he was gone continued having a good cry.
I know we will see lots of him – he isn’t moving that far away. I also know this is a rite of passage and an important one. We will figure out some way to mark the occasion as a family over a dinner next week. I think that it is important to do so and bring an official closure to this stage of his life. Of course, he is always welcome to return home if he needs a place for some unforeseen reason. The reality is though that even if that does happen it will be for a short time and the relationship will not be the same.
And being a parent never ends, the form shifts but the relationship remains the same. I am glad that I have a good connection with both my kids now that they are adults and on their own. It’s just the end of an era over here at the Reynolds’ Residence. Change is in the air.
No I Don’t Want To Give a Dollar to Your Cause
The constant requests at the check out to donate a dollar to a cause or charity is becoming a pet peeve of mine. First, it makes no sense from a tax perspective. All those loonies add up and you may as well make a donation and get a tax receipt. I feel like it is designed to put you in a position of giving or feeling like an uncaring person.
This weekend was the icing on the cake. I was shopping in The Bay and the sales associate said to me after she rang in my purchase, “Do you want to donate your HBC points to Japan?” Really? Japan? The government? An agency? Do they have Zellers in Japan? Wow! At least have the courtesy to tell me where my money is going!
How about you? Are you tired of being asked at the check out to make a donation?
And don’t even get me started about the swim team outside the grocery store! Here’s an idea – how about being at the exit and taking my groceries to my car? Then ask me to make a donation – I might be more sympathetic to your cause then.
Bigger Kids = Bigger Problems
That’s what someone onc
e told me along with the advice, “Enjoy them while they are young!” At that time I hadn’t slept for 6 hours straight in days and had no idea if I would ever be able to sit quietly and read a book. They were right of course, and here I am now out with my son, looking at purchasing his first condo/loft. Wow!
With a suitable place discovered the conversation now is ‘what do you think I should do?’ I have no idea! There are ups and downs to all of these decisions. Mortgage rates, property values, underemployment – all of these can impact his investment. On the other hand, getting into the housing market at a young age can be a great way for him to begin building his own investments, etc.
With one of my kids getting married and one looking at purchasing property I realize that much of life is a crap shoot. Like me, they will have to make decisions based on the best information possible. The reality is that people change, markets change, they will change and what seemed like a good plan now might have them scratching their heads in a few years.
What I can tell them is – life involves takings risks and leaps of faith. Sometimes you need to make a decision and go for it. That’s what most of us do when we decide to start a family!
Mother of the Bride
The big news around here is the engagement of our daughter. She will be getting married later this year and between now and then we’ll be doing a lot of wedding planning. It is a weird feeling to have a daughter getting married. It seems like such a passage of life. The first time this week I used the word ‘fiance’ I was surprised how weird it felt.
And does any parent watch their child head into a marriage without at least a little apprehension? I’m sure the whole engagement phase will have its ups and downs as we plan all the details of the wedding and let go of our little girl.
I know she’ll be a beautiful bride. I’m confident she’ll be a great partner as well. I hope I pull off a model mother of the bride!
It’s No Party in the USA
My son left today to drive to New Orleans. He has friends in Nashville and New Orleans and thought he would drive down for a week and visit. He has gone the last two years on the same trip (only longer than this).
He got stopped at the border and refused entry to the USA. Wow! Someone at Homeland Security needs to wake up to the current reality of youth today. He is a self-employed photographer (he has 4 websites and tons of clients). Some of the required documentation he needs include:
Evidence of a landline (are they kidding – who under 30 has a landline?)
A stub from an employer (he is self-employed).
He must carry enough cash for a two week vacation (what – in this age of Debit and Credit cards why would someone want to carry cash?)
He was detained for over an hour, finger printed and questioned. No one was able to tell him what exactly he needed or couldn’t bring. He had camera gear with him apparently that is questionable. They simply didn’t believe his truth – that he was going to visit friends. Wow. Of course, he could have flown and had a full body scan – maybe that’s what they are trying to encourage more airport revenue.
I needed to vent a little here. I’m in no hurry to travel to the USA these days. It is a country that seems to be slipping more and more in my mind.
Attachment
It is my annual tradition to adopt a theme that reflects my hopes for the coming year. For the first time I added a vision board to the mix. It was a good process to go through and although I don’t consider myself an artist – especially in the area of collage – I had fun creating this board. It is 12X12 and I plan to frame it and hang it in my office.
My theme this year is ‘letting go‘. The past 12 months were marked by transition and in the midst of the upheaval I felt at times that I was holding on to things and wanting them to remain the same. This year I want to ‘let go’ of the past, of fear, of worry, of doubt, and of anxiety. I want to ‘let go’ of things as well. It surprises me how attached I can become to material possessions. One of the ways I am practicing ‘letting go’ is by getting rid of one thing a day. Most days is not a challenge at all. I think as the year goes on and I get beyond the superficial stuff it might get harder.
This past week I got rid of a nice Diesel bag I had purchased a couple of years ago. I could count on my fingers the number of times I used it and I have not used it once in the past 18 months. I really struggled giving it away. I have no idea why! I don’t use it. It was just a bag. I paid under $100 so it was a big ticket item. Why are some things easy to let go and others a struggle to clear out?
I’m sure I will discover just how attached I am on a deeper level to things as the year goes on. I was reading Presence by Peter Senge, et al, over Christmas. This quote on letting go inspired me:
If we are able to integrate changes and the sense of loss that may accompany them, we take the steps towards letting go and ‘moving on’ in our lives. We will become aware of our ability to make transitions in our life without feeling overwhelmed and destabilised.
These same authors defined the idea of detachment as “getting to the different place”. So that is what this year is about for me – getting to the different place.
