Last week my husband was out for lunch with his sister. They were laughing and having a good time when the server came over and said, "It's so nice to see old people enjoying themselves. Usually, they look so miserable." While she meant it as a compliment, it was a loaded statement. If at 67 and 70 they weren't feeling their age, I'm sure they did by the end of their meal.
The last church I attended as a pastor's wife had a senior group. They called themselves The J.O.Y. Club (Just Older Youth). On my 50th birthday, they started recruiting me. I resisted. The idea of joining the senior group was not something I was ready to embrace. I wasn't old enough to be part of that club.
At 55, I became a grandmother. I started to let my hair go grey. I began to slowly accept that I was ageing. I got discounts at retail stores. I still didn't picture myself as a senior, and I was a little surprised (and disappointed) when someone referred to me as an older person. I wasn't old.
It was not until I approached my sixtieth birthday that I started to consider that I was entering a different stage of life. I began reading about ageing. I became fascinated with the archetype of the crone. I started to focus on what I wanted my life to be like as I moved into the first decade of the third act of life. Reviewing my book purchases from 2018 reminds me of something I heard author Lauren Winner say, "I always pay attention to the books I am drawn to when I go into a book store or library. There, I often become conscious of what I will be focusing on next in my life." I didn't even realize how profound this work would be for me.
Even though I was reading a lot about being a senior, I was still battling my inner ageist. I didn't want to be old. I didn't want to look old, feel old, be treated as old or face the inevitable - there is no escape from ageing. If I had to be old, I wanted to at least be a 'cool older woman.' Gradually things began to shift for me.
I had a few falls this year that were serious enough to require hospital visits. The second one required transportation by ambulance after a fall on ice caused amnesia and a concussion. I received the appropriate chiding from friends and family about slowing down and being more careful and the implication "you aren't a young woman anymore.' As I approach my mid-sixties, I realize that I need to be more aware of my physical health and listen to my body when it needs rest.
I started to do the work needed to become an elder or sage. I'm certifying to help others work through the spiritual process of ageing and facing our mortality. I'm comfortable being in my senior years (although I still tell myself I'm a young senior!).
When do you begin to identify as an older person? It will probably happen slowly. You start to accept that you have more years behind you than ahead. It might happen when you find yourself talking about your health when you go out with friends. Or maybe you go to see a concert and look around at all the older adults and realize they are your age. It might be retirement or becoming a grandparent,
And there is good news! Being old means you've accumulated a lifetime of experiences. In the next post, I'll talk about the deep work we can only do at this stage of life, moving from Age-ing to Sage-ing®. Once you are ready to reframe ageing, you'll discover there is so much still to contribute.
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