Do you feel resistance when you think about setting goals? Are you wishing I would start writing about something else? I will soon and you know what they say, "be careful what you wish for!"
I believe there are reasons why you may struggle when it comes to setting goals. Maybe it is the fear of failure. Or the fear of looking too ambitious. Many women have internalized messages that make them want to stay small. Some of us were indoctrinated over our lives with messages of the virtue of self-abnegation. We have learned to keep ourselves in check. To not want too much. To not get too big for our britches.
It's why so many of us resonate with this quote from Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
It's why we leave goals to the pros or the driven ones. Like the athletes working with NIke to run a marathon in 2 hours! (Note: take two minutes and be inspired by this video.)
And we go about our lives feeling this unspoken dissatisfaction. We aren't really living. We aren't really awake. We keep distracting ourselves by acquiring more things.
I have learned it can be easier to talk about goals using the language of longing and desire. I've found Danielle Laporte's book The Desire Map very helpful. Becoming aware of your desires and letting them guide you is a great place to start goal setting.
We all have longings and desires. Or as writer John Elderidge says, "We are desire. It is the essence of the human Soul, the secret of our existence. Absolutely nothing of human greatness is ever accomplished without it. Not a symphony has been written, a mountain climbed, an injustice fought, or a love sustained apart from desire. Desire fuels our search for the life we prize."
So, if you have been reading about goals and thinking you can't relate, how about considering your desires and longings. What do you long for more than anything? Is it peace? Is it strength? Is it freedom?
Starting with your desires is a great place to start in goal setting. When you start to create goals around your desires you are taking authentic action rooted in your values.
Here's an example:
You may have a goal to lose 15 lbs. You've had false starts, tried different programs but nothing lasts. You give up. You feel like a failure.
If that goal is anchored in a desire your approach is different. You know why you want to lose 15 lbs. If your desire or longing is to be healthy and vibrant and you create goals to support your desire the motivation is much deeper. You can look at your entire lifestyle and ask yourself 'what do I need to do to feel healthy today?' You keep focused on what you need to do to feel the way you want to feel.
It may take some deep reflection. I do recommend The Desire Map as a very helpful way to work through your desires.
And that takes us to my webinar. I want to see us all live our best lives and not settle for less. I am running a very affordable webinar for my readers to help you make progress in achieving your desires. Find out more here.